Regression and determining my ‘little’ age

  

 

The regression in ageplay has always been fascinating as well as a little intimidating.  At first I couldn’t wrap my head around it.  Sub tendencies aside, I remember my youth and the many occasions that I wished to be older so I could do the things older people could or achieve the relevance that my elders had and the independence adults enjoyed. So now I have been exploring this area and I am baffled that  after the waiting, the hurdles conquered and the battles fought and won to achieve independent adult status, that I want, sometimes even need to throw off that mantle and have a tea party with my dolls and a serious session with my colouring book as I did when I was a child.  Baffled as I may be I have to admit the feeling of freedom I experience when I shuck of the responsibilities of everyday life and just focus on play is very addictive.

The biggest challenge for me is transitioning.  Going from my big to my little is a difficult process for my busy brain.  The times I need to indulge my little most are usually connected to stress or busyness in my big life.  This means opportunity for little time is limited and letting go of big girl responsibilities is difficult.  

My biggest opportunity that I indulge in when the need is really great is around bedtime.  I can always get a bit of a fix by dressing in my more childish Jammie’s, putting my hair in pigtail braids and cuddling up with a stuffed companion while falling asleep to one of my cartoons. It allows me to relax and achieve sleep a bit better, of course if Daddy was around for bedtime I thrill at the thought of being cuddled up with him as he read me a bedtime story and the possibility of kisses and cuddles.  

So far my ventures into my little self are fairly short, the odd hr or two.  More often there isn’t a full transition at all and I merely bring a bit more little into my big life.  I luckily have that out as I have always maintained a childish or wonky personality so it doesn’t seem out of place.  An example one time at a friends house I was having a klutzy day and spilled my coffee twice in a row basically within the time it took to clean up the first spill and in the exact same way. It was like “take two”.  I blushed and apologized profusely and everyone there had a good laugh and my friend made the joke that she would remember I shouldn’t drink coffee in her car to avoid the mess.  As luck would have it a couple weeks later we planned a day trip to one of the bigger cities and my friend was driving.  I was slightly panicked at the idea of not having coffee for the long drive and then I grabbed the opportunity and stopped by a drug store before meeting the group.  I showed up for the road trip with a monkey character sippy cup and a bib, asking if I used it could we please do a coffee run.  This got another laugh and we chuckled through the day over my antics of bib wearing, occasionally baby talking and sippy cup using while in the car. All in the name of comedy and entertainment (hehe). I even named my sippy cup “uh oh”.  “Uh oh” has since made regular appearances on camping trips and other get togethers, usually housing more adult beverages than not; beverages that are likely to bring out my clumsy and ‘theatrical’ side.  These occurrences of little play are my most frequent outlet and always used with the cover of tom foolery.

I have read books and heard of accountings of people in the lifestyle engaging in little days or even weekends.  The idea of staying In that role for such a length of time is a little daunting. I am not sure as the opportunity hasn’t arose and therefore I have no point of experiential reference, but I wonder if others find it difficult to maintain the role for such lengths of time or if it would become more natural as time went on.

Maybe the above question is based around my other challenge.  Determining my little age.  I seemed to bounce all over the sphere, which again from my readings doesn’t seem to be completely odd for others.  For me a big part of deciding my age seems to be based on how much dependence I am willing to have on my Daddy.  I will again give another contradictory example of my mindset.  I love the idea of being taken care of, but I find it difficult be dependent on others.  Therefore usually my little age usually falls around the 5-7 year range.  I would at that age be expected to walk, talk, feed myself ect.  But would still be automatically inclined to follow Daddy’s rules and directions naturally as an authority.  That and my little activity’s of choice fit that age range. Being younger would make me more dependent than my current comfort level would allow, but being older might invite expectations of me testing authority a bit more than my general sub inclinations would allow.  I am a tantrummer not a rebel.  

Then I worry that I overthink things.  the thing I like about this lifestyle is there are loose guidelines as opposed to rigid pigeonholes, but here I am trying to build a specific framework.  This seems to happen during some of my texting or online games with Daddy.  When he introduces a game or a challenge, my first reaction is to please him, my second is a thrill over what he wants me to do. BUT,  The third reaction is to dissect the mechanics of it, worry over some of the limits that may be tested and my general ability to comply. Details, details, details I get wrapped up in them.  I really wish it was easier to let myself go.

When Daddy is with me for play time it is easier to fall into the role and live in the moment, I focus on each instruction as it comes, knowing that the next instruction will come when Daddy decides and I can just get lost in the feelings. With the clarity that comes with Daddy’s presence, i would see myself being more inclined to fall into a more specific little age and be able to maintain it naturally, but as it is early days yet and opportunities are still sporadic I guess only time will tell. Hopefully with time and familiarity I will be more inclined to relax and follow my instincts instead of feeling the need to choreograph every nuance.

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