Another craft to keep me busy!

So….Christmas season is upon us!  This always leaves me with some mixed feelings.   I grew up loving Christmas,  my family had a lot of fun traditions and everything was done with great production and fanfare.  From the getting and decorating of the tree, to the Christmas baking, even to the preparation for Santa.  My parents even went so far as to Jingle some bells outside in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve and left ‘evidence’ of his visit.  Boot prints in the fireplace, partially eaten cookies, and this swatch of red fluffy material caught on the fireplace frame from where ‘he’ snagged his outfit on the way out.  I have many fond memories from a child’s perspective.

  As the years passed the family grew, schedules changed and some traditions began to fade.  Then I became more aware of the flip side of Christmas,  the snarky shoppers, the crowded shopping centres ( that was glaringly evident during my days working in retail). When you see the ‘business’of Christmas a lot of your illusions fall away.  

Now,  I am trying to wade my way through this most recent season attempting to recapture some of the magic from my childhood years and not get caught up in the consumer driven mob.  So I decided this year that I would make my Christmas gifts.  I found some great ideas on pintrest,  the one I am focusing on is seed art or seed mosaics.  They are quite versatile and are actually quite attractive.  It had been a good start to revive some of the excitement as I decide which designs to attempt, who will get what, matching personalities to colour schemes and designs.  It had also been a good opportunity to have some quality time with some of my family.  My mom and sister and I will get together and putter around on out different projects and reminisce about past years whilst listening to Xmas music.  Throw in some seasonal  treats to snack on and a reward of hot cocoa when your little crafting bee is done that holiday spirit is bound to surface.  

These are some of my first attempts… I am getting the knack of it now, hopefully the recipients enjoy them as much as I have been making them. 

    
   

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Yup, I just love pain.

  
Apparently I just can’t get enough pain.  Whether I am a naughty ‘little’ or a health conscious ‘big’. I am just not happy unless I ache after a session.  I had bootcamp yesterday.  I am actually doing an 8 week challenge.  Part of the challenge is finding extra curricular workouts through out the week.  Every time we do an extra work out our name goes in a draw for weekly prizes.  So I have been happily doing my Zumba and yoga and jogging and my trainer always had this big encouraging smile on her face as she cheers me and the others on for our efforts.  Then she proceeds to put us through an hour of pure torture.  I am not joking,  my muscles were singing  after only 2 of like a 20 station interval routine. Burpees were present frequently in all their variety along with pulsing squats and lunges, v-sit holds, walking planks, the list goes on.  I felt like I was hobbling like an 80 year old as I left class, this morning everything up to my eyelids hurt.

So I developed a theory or two as I made my ten minute struggle to get out of bed this morning. One theory is that my trainer is sub consciously seeking revenge on us for doing outside activities.  Despite her smiles and cheers she is jealous that I Zumba on Mondays for example, therefore puts us through a work out that will have us incompacitated until we see her again.  A big passive aggressive “ME! YOU ONLY NEED ME!” Type statement.  If this theory is correct I think she needs a Daddy to spank her.  There have been a couple of times I got through the workout with my eyes shut tight and my jaw clenched as I imagined her getting a good walloping for bullying behaviour.  It made those final lunges or reverse crunches or whatever possible in the moment.  My 2nd theory is that all fitness buffs have some for of bdsm tendency.  Some  either get gratification from causing pain to their willing (yes I have to admit willing) participants. Holding the reigns  of power and making others jump through their hoops as they watch the pained reactions hear the suffering moans.  Or some like finding some one to test them, push their boundaries, and make them push through the pain, and despite the fact that every muscle screams they will clamour back for more.  

I mean I know I will go back, I dread it through the week, I whine both during and after ( not whine exactly, but I am the sarcastic class clown of the group).  But I always come back, with a smile on my face saying bring on the hurt!

And along comes Winter!

  
I love the Autumn!  The lovely colours!  That crispness in the air!  The piles of leaves!  It is my favourite season!  But in my neck of the woods it is also the shortest season, and now it is gone.

We had our first snowfall the other day.  It was fairly mild just a dusting of that flakey white stuff littering the ground.  Not enough to build a snow man or make a snow angel, won’t be able to go tobogganing for a while yet.  But it did herald the steady fall of the mercury in our thermometers and I had to upgrade to my winter jacket and had to retire my flip flops.  Yes, until yesterday I was more often then not traipsing around about my day with only a pair of flip flops to protect my feet from the elements.

I do enjoy some parts of winter.  Like I stated above, I enjoy making snow men!  This year I plan on doing a scene reminiscint of a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip.  I enjoy ice skating and snow shooing.  But right now I have to wait.  Not enough snow and the ice isn’t thick enough.  Just the cold is here, the cold and the gloomy grey.  The drivers who after only one summer forgot that ice is slippery and slowing down is compromised.  The  shift of moving many daily activities inside.   The beginning of winter is so depressing, it seems to be a glum limbo where we sit and wait for better things to come. Hopefully it settles in fast so we can get to the good stuff at least!

Soooo Needy!

  
Daddy REALLY does own my orgasms.
This epiphany hit me, recently. We have always had a sporadic play schedule with stretches of time passing between play dates. Currently we have gone looooonnnnngggggeeeesssstttt time between play dates since we started. When we are together Daddy’s control and influence is absolute and this little one experiences the most intense sensations that send little aftershocks and tingles of pleasure through me for hours sometimes days after. I find such pleasure and freedom in my submission to him, especially as I feel that my pleasure gives him pleasure.

Then we part ways until the next time. sometimes Daddy gives me assignments. These assignments usually make me blush, they get the butterflies fluttering away in my belly and despite the fact that he isn’t there I feel his control. That instinctual need to submit to his will. And despite the blushes, the anxiety over pushing some limit, or the possible pouts over a particular detail Daddy has demanded that he knows will make me fidget with embarrassment, I feel the desire build, the need for release. Release is always granted, though not always timely ( Daddy does like to test his little one’s control now and then) and it is always satisfying. Not quite as much as if Daddy was there bringing me to completion himself, but that connection and again the fact that it is by his instruction and for his pleasure i find that freedom to enjoy the granted release. Then there are the times that this little one is left to her own devices. Daddy has not restricted my orgasms or solo playtime. As long as I always follow the rule to use my words and ask Daddy for permission and announce my cums. Now, I am not gonna lie, I am very experienced with solo play and self gratification. It was my primary form of release before meeting Daddy, so I have had a lot of practice and though rarely mind blowing, it has always done the trick. Until recently that is. During this prolonged absence of play time I have experienced yearnings, had the usual naughty thoughts and I have played with myself and various toys. So the usual. What I have been finding unusual is it just isn’t doing the trick. At least not like it used to. The libido isn’t effected, I still feel the build, the touches and the toys have me writhing and gasping by the time I ask for my release and then…phht. It is a release of sorts, but with all of the energy and intensity it would take to blow out a candle. It is sooooo frustrating. Usually it is only a matter of maybe an hour before I am worked up and hungry again. The result is I am perpetually horny and the only true release I have is when Daddy actually (not assumed) allows it.  

That is when I realized it. I have unconsciously given up my orgasms to Daddy. I no longer control my release. It’s a little disconcerting, as it kinda snuck up on me. I mean it was always pleasantly kinky to give up my control to Daddy when we got together but secure in the knowledge that I still had control when I was alone. Now there is an invisible hand staying me, reminding me that my will joined with another’s. Also that added feeling of dependence is a foreign sensation to me that I find myself rebelling against. Though I like to give up control to satisfy that submissive in me, I have always been that person who can manage on her own if needed. That no longer seems to be the case. I am not so much concerned about the increase I Daddy’s influence and control, but more my own neediness to it. What if I become too needy? The questions have started to swirl in my head, my instinct to tuck tail and run warring with my curiosity to explore this new level of the dynamic. Then how to ask for more while not becoming too demanding. Or maybe I am just over thinking? Maybe I just need another mind blowing play date to recharge the batteries. Have any if you experienced that ah ha moment where you realized you reached another level in your submission?

Great idea! …don’t think Daddy will go for it.

  
This is such a nifty idea!  The little in me was mesmerized by the picture alone, so I think it would be effective.  

I am tempted to suggest this to Daddy.  The thing is, though I have spent my fair share of time with my nose in the corner, I am not overly prone to tantrums.  When I am an the corner Daddy wants me to be fully aware that I am in the corner.  He wants me ‘thinking’ about what put me there and what is about to follow.  

I think Daddy would see the pretty sparkle bottle as a distraction that would take away the focus of cornertime. (Whisper). I wouldn’t mind the distraction.  Corner time makes me feel extremely exposed and vulnerable and can seem endless sometimes.  

On the other hand what could be more of a climactic build then slowly watching your final moments of reprieve drifting away. Knowing and not guessing, exactly when your moment of reckoning had arrived?  I think focus would still be firmly set actually.

How many of my fellow ‘littles’ experience cornertime?  Which do you think would be worse.  Watching your time slip away or waiting in ignorance of when the next step would begin?