Deeper down the rabbit hole
It is amazing how much my relationship with Daddy has evolved in the past year. Especially considering that our schedules have only allowed for a handful of opportunities to get together in the flesh. In a way I am almost grateful for the limitations. Don’t get me wrong, every chance I get to see Daddy is a welcome and cherished opportunity, but the spaces in between have allowed me to process my steps into submission with a clearer head. I have been able to analyze our scenes after the fact and truly consider all the facets and nuances and develope my comfort level. This is extremely important to me.
My general make up would label me as a people pleaser; in my younger days there were actually some situations where I wouldn’t even consider my own feelings on a subject just happy with the knowledge it was what the other wanted. This produced varying results. Anxiety over making commitments I was poorly equipped to fulfill, discomfort over responsibilities that I had placed on myself, and frustration and resentment that sometimes all my efforts weren’t enough for some people. For the sake of my sanity I had to temper my tendency to live only for others and start considering how my actions effected me as well. This is a daily process. I feel strongly and am deeply loyal to my loved ones. There is little I wouldn’t do if it meant helping them. Though now I have made the point to surround myself by people who like me for me and not what I can give them, therefore I don’t fear being taken advantage of.
This ties into my submission, as I have this subtle fear that I may find myself falling into my old habits and consenting to things that were once hard limits not because of my own evolution or curiosity but because it would please my Daddy. Now, I will announce right now that hasn’t been an issue in my current relationship. Daddy has always been a good communicator and very early we discussed interests, soft limits and hard limits. He has tested some soft limits at times and introduced some new experiences, but is always sure I am comfortable, what’s more is I have found myself comfortable enough to voice my inhibitions the odd time it has cropped up.
These opportunities to assess the way I react to various scenarios and activities, to voice my concerns and be met with understanding has allowed my confidence to grow and for my curiosity and courage to build. Now I am more confident in my submission and can embrace the moments where I can both please my Daddy and fulfill my own needs at the same time.